Today some old friends, the Thornes, came over to visit and play.
We ate lunch together.
Talked and laughed together.
The kids ate Harry Potter every flavor jelly beans together.
Then later on, Eden did what Eden does best, plan a party.
Eden is a party.
This is where we are different.
She is always ready to implement spontaneous, new ideas all the time.
She has as big idea but her follow through is often lacking.
I do not always do well with spontaneity.
I require a plan, organization, and follow through when an idea is started.
Today Eden decided she wanted to hold an art show tomorrow.
She wrote up and delivered invitations to friends to share their art and win a prize.
I started to fret.
"What if no one shows up?"
"Where is this going to be located?"
"What kind of prizes are they going to give?"
"What if the weather is bad?"
"What if Eden doesn't go through with her art show and people show up expecting an art show?"
(I now feel realize that Eden is bubbly enough that if any of all of these things happened she'd probably be fine coming up with a spontaneous plan B.)
So, I decided to try and be a good mom and let her spontaneous party become reality.
But I tried to do it my way, planned out, so questions had answers and I was prepared.
I texted the moms so I knew someone would show up.
And I committed to making cookies for the event.
Eden had the great idea to borrow a rake and clean up the backyard to set it up for the show.
She did a good job but started to lose focus when the other girls quite helping.
So, I went out to help.
Eden then wanted to set things up even more before all the leaves were raked.
I fretted again.
"Don't set things up now, what if it rains at night?"
"First we need to finish the leaves before moving to the next activity."
Then the anxiety (mixed with lots of little other issues throughout the day of whining, crying, teasing, and a finger painting project with friends that ended up a super messy body painting project) threw me over the edge. I became "stressed out and angry mom".
There really was no good reason for this change. It was dumb. I know.
I've been studying my personality lately and I've come to find out reasons why I act this way.
I need a plan beginning to end before acting anything out.
I can't handle when my plan is disrupted or out of my control.
(And I also can't handle loud, upset and angry voices for an extended period of time.)
I've also been able to study Eden's personality.
She's a party that comes up with more ideas that there is time to finish them.
She is able to change things up and adjust to make things happy.
She stresses and is angered when her parents are unhappy or have too much structure because it takes away from "having fun".
So, I talked with Eden.
I told her that we have to make some compromises.
Her personality is to party.
My personality will party with some planning and structure.
So, I agreed that we could party if she will be ok with some planning and structure so I'll feel prepared.
She, of course, was fine with it.
She finished raking the leaves.
She asked me what set up would be ok to do today and what would not.
Then she set up what she could.
And I'm ok having a party.
Though, I'm still not over the stress quite yet....
I'm working on it.
